Happy Birthday Herb

Herb spent his 85th birthday on his knees watering flowers and pulling weeds, confronting the unexpected and premature summer heat. The sweat-drenched smile on his face demonstrated he was one happy man – in want of nothing more. But 85 is a milestone and this weekend his family is planning a celebration to honor this energetic and loving man.

I’ll be there with my significant other, and with my children and their significant others because Herb is my step dad, and has been for the past 23 years when he and my mom, both widowed, tied the knot. Because of their union, my sister and I inherited three step siblings and siblings-in-law, and six step nieces and nephews.

Every family event, from weddings to bar mitzvahs to major birthdays, has brought together Mom and Herb’s children and grandchildren who live throughout the United States and France. Amazingly, we all get along.

The first Thanksgiving after my husband died, they all came to my house (the dinner table stretched from the dining room, through the living room and into the foyer) so my kids and I wouldn’t be alone.

When my son broke his arm playing hockey in New Jersey the same night my daughter was rushed to a hospital in Baltimore (where she was a college freshman), I couldn’t be in both places at the same time – though, being a mom, I tried. So my step sister who lives in Maryland went to my daughter’s side.

When my sister’s daughter moved to Boston and didn’t know anyone, our step sister-in-law welcomed her and started a practice of including her in holidays and events.

I know that we step sibs have the distinct advantage of never having had to share a bathroom, or argue about riding shotgun. We were in our twenties and thirties when our parents married, all out of the house and developing families of our own. But still, it matters who sits at the helm.

At ours, sits Herb and Thelma.

Together they make one smart adorable couple who walk every day rain or shine, stopping for coffee and the morning newspaper, read books they’ve borrowed from the library, go to independent films that provoke thought, play golf and bridge, and so much more.

On Saturday when Herb blows out the candles on his cake and we stand around and cheer, I know what we’ll all be thinking.

What are we going to do for his 90th!?

29
Jun
2010

The Straw Hat: Happy Father's Day, Dad

It’s a positively gorgeous day and I just had breakfast with a friend. We sat on her patio observing and discussing her garden – a mix of budding annuals, spent peonies and developing tomato plants. As gardens always do, it made me think of my dad.

Norman Slott had been widely known and respected as a builder, engineer, golfer, bridge player, gifted Ivy League grad, and, of course, loving husband, father, grandfather and friend. But mostly when I think of my dad, I draw upon one familiar image; that of a youthful, middle-aged man clad in old clothes, well-worn shoes, and protected from the sun’s rays by an enormous straw cowboy hat. He’s bent at the waist, his hands encased in garden gloves and he’s toiling in his vegetable garden. And what a garden it was – teeming with plants bursting with tomatoes, cucumbers, green and red peppers, squash and whatever else hit his fancy that particular spring. Anything that wasn’t eaten or given away by fall found its way into brine and mason jars and enjoyed throughout the winter months.

I like to think I may have inherited a lot of my father’s impressive qualities, but I only know for certain of one: his love of gardening.

As my father knew, away from the stresses of his job and the traumas of the world, he found peace in his garden. When I’m digging and pruning and propping up branches laden with fruit, my mind stays focused on the task, and its rewards – some almost immediate like when I plant a handful of impatiens or petunias and stand back to soak in the instant beauty and color. Gardening empties my mind of all those negative thoughts and worries and issues that never serve me well.

I have always found that of everything I do, it is when I am nurturing my garden (probably a fourth of the size of my father’s) or filling vases with flowers that I have selectively snapped off from my outside plants, that I am truly blissful. Maybe it’s the beauty, maybe the reward of seeing profits for my labor, or maybe it’s just thinking I’m like my dad.

My dad died much too young and much too fast in 1984 after a brief fight with pancreatic cancer. He has left behind many legacies for he was truly a remarkable man. But for me, it’s first and foremost his -and my – love of the outdoors and the soil – worms and all – and all that it can produce.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go water my plants, and deadhead my roses so my garden looks trimmed and tidy for Sunday – Father’s Day. I may not be able to see him, but I will be thinking of him and picturing him in his garden.

In my garage, his old straw cowboy hat hangs above a shelf crammed with my garden tools, pots and planters. It’s as though it oversees all that’s happening below.

Happy Father’s Day.

18
Jun
2010


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